2004-09-16 - 1:19 a.m.
So, how are you doing?
Me, I'm OK. Somehow my emotions aren't as readily available as usual, and it scares me, makes me think I'm becoming my father.
But then I also think I'm just coping in a weird way.
Forrest pointed out that we've lived in Boston exactly 1600 days today. It seems like a lot, but it's really only a few. Over 4 years. I never got to Fenway Park, but that's about my only regret. This town has played host to some euphoric and some terrifying moments in my life, and I've made such close friends here, people I can call 'friend' without that fear from being a kid who didn't really have any.
And now I let it all go, leave it all behind. I step into the stream and let the current take me.
"leap, and the net will appear." someone once wrote, and I'm trying it out on a grand scale, knowing that I'm never really risking anything, that I could always come back, that all would be forgiven, and also knowing that I never will. We don't move backward, do we? Just onward. Forward.
"And as I sat there, brooding on the old unknown world, I though of Gatsby's wonder when he first picked out the green light at the end of Daisy's dock. He had come a long way to this blue lawn and his dream must have seemed so close that he could barely fail to grasp it. He did not know that it was already behind him, somewhere back in that vast obscurity beyond the city, where the dark fields of the republic rolled on under the night.
Gatsby believed in that green light, the orgastic future that year by year recedes before us. It eluded us then, but that's no matter--tomorrow we will run faster, stretch out our arms farther...And one fine morning--
So we beat on, boats against the current, borne back ceaselessly into the past."
-F. Scott Fitzgerald
Pictures to follow in a few days. I do truly love you all.